just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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