Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
