I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize