mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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