i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
