I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
