Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
