Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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