what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
