if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
