i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
third nipple confirmed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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