I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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