took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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