woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
