thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize