Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
