If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
