i just google imaged poop.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are all done wearing pants today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
