Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
