You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
