Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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