the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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