I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
