I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
