You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
