Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
