I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
