In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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