What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
