just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
pray to the hookup gods
COCAINE IS GR8
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
