Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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