We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i now understand why vodka
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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