he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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