well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
