This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize