Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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