So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I look better un-naked...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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