maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
