I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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