shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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