just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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