i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think your dad took our porno
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
