it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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