Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
