i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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