We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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