Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
