Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

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(661): View more from California

God gave him joint rollers for hands

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(847): View more from Illinois

He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

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(740): View more from Ohio

Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

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(404): View more from Georgia

The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"

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(+49): View more from Germany

we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?

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(661): View more from California

I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.

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