WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would fuck him just for his dog
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