I wanna bring you to show and tell
Porn is love you can see.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
