new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
