OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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