yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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