I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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