I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
