I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
