come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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