doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
