Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
