I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize