woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
