hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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