Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
