Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize