His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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