it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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