i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
