I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
