Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
