Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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