Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love accidental penises.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
