The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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