definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
