Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
