one two three fourrrrnication!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize