Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
