I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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