what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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