His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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