does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
