one might say we're banned from that church
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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