I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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