Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
