Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
