i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
