I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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