I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
