So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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